yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
