she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
