what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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