All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
