Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
