and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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