oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
