i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
