is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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