you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
