I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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