He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo