Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just had sex bonerless
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
