Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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