i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
