Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
