If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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