pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
