i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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