i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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