We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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