Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
