I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
