I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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