Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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