i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
did you just send me my own nude
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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