I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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