So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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