If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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