her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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