how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
