I am puke
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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