Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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