If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
