Cold hands, warm shart.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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