ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
