please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
