New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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