I'm gonna have a badass scar
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
