I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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