Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
