i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
