well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
