So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
