Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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