Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
