I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bleeding and have questions
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
