I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize