Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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