I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
