Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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