in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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