No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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