I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
