i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
