why didn't you poke me back
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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