My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
