my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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