help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
