when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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