So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want to make out with him forever
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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