jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
