He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
